Saturday, 4 July 2015.
The fear of losing the ones you love. Not even for a second have I forgotten the ones who gave me reasons to smile, the ones who gave me a reason to sleep, and looking forward to the next day, the ones who gave me the love that I needed, and the ones who stayed through it all. I thought pictures were enough, but the more I rely on the pictures that I brought to remind me they're still there, the more I'm reminded that they're not. I love the people here, but the longer I stay in this world, the more unfamiliar my real world gets. I fear change, no, screw that, I fear not being able to know the changes in myself.
Life is a scary place, but I'm still learning to adapt. I just started to look back, way back when we were all in like, secondary one. Everyone changed, I admit, so did I. I used to be so afraid, to show myself to other people, who I really am. Or who I want to be. Back then, I couldn't even voice out my opinions. I am pretty sure, so did everyone else. Afraid of being judged. So many straightforward people out there, who made me feel insecure about every part of my body and my personality and doubting my decisions for everything. For years I tolerated the harsh comments, and let it slide but never have I forgotten them. People who were too honest and ones who spoke their minds are the reasons why I have to think twice on what I had to wear before I head out, what I had to think before I say it. I still remember that because I cared too much on what people think, that even when I shopped with that particular person I had to let go of what I really wanted cause what I'd chosen was "really ugly". Now, not only did it hurt, but I couldn't even be myself. I never knew it would've affected me much, but others tell me they account for why I have such a low self esteem. Haha, back then I could not even show myself wearing a pair of sunglasses, or wearing shorts, or tying my hair in a bun, or buying myself a skateboard, or wearing slippers, or wearing hat, or piercing my ears. Okay HAHA wow, I sound so pathetic, but come on I was judged for all. Some of my shorts may appear too short, I look back with my hair tied in a bun, I look weird with a skateboard, I have the ugliest toe nails (and weirdest; I honestly won't deny) and I don't look nice in hats or piercings. But now I got to look past all those comments. But I'm still glad friends could be honest with me. Words can't hurt me like they used too. Though my self esteem ain't getting any higher. All my blog posts are so dramatic. HAHA save yourselves(if anyone reads).
Though I wished no one would ever change, so that they'd remain just the way they are, but sometimes change is for the better.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
20:32
