Thursday, 18 December 2014.
Okay, actually now I'm gonna dedicate this post to friends that I miss. Okay, so ___, you know? Life has been tough not knowing that I'm not facing my problems with you and the same for yours. You know, it's been a tough year, and it's pretty damn hurtful when I don't know if you're looking at me, or just through me. I'm through, being a friend who you argue with all the time. Because the reasons why I miss you though you've been shitty to me, like half the time, is because the other half were actually filled with many of my favorite secondary school memories. Because of your comments and treatment, I've actually lowered my confidence(when I even thought it couldn't get any lower) and now people look at me like "wow your self esteem is damn low."but its because of people like you, that I care about what people think about me, and I take their comments to heart and each time, hurt by it. You've just always been straightforward and annoying, which I wont deny because in class, we're literally all so annoyed by your presence we just laugh when you're there. But sometimes I say things I don't mean. Like I hate how I used to be a 'follower'because you never knew how much all of us gave in to you. Honestly, I feel like I'm a bad friend because you had to face so much shit this year that I never knew about and I couldn't hug you and tell you things will get better. I am so sorry for that. You needed a friend, but all of us weren't there anymore. Sometimes I'll say that that's karma because of the way you treated us, but you don't deserve what you've been through this year. I still love you and you know it. Sisters and best friends fight all the time, but I really hope this gap just disappears. Okay, haha next friend.
I just wanted to say, I miss you and I don't know in what way haha. You've always been there, but it's just changed so much, I don't even know if it's us.. that's the problem, or me.. or I just don't know. Your replies get colder, and by next year, I can't even be so sure that we'd still be talking. Okay, I don't wanna talk too much about this one. Actually I sound like a lesbian, okay, this one's a guy. So yeah HAHA.
Okay next friend.
Well, as you know, this year, our conversations would end up like shit. I swear sometimes the unresolved shit problem we had between us makes me think in class when I should've been listening. But I don't listen in my classes anyways. Okay, so you know I kept asking myself if you were worth fighting the friendship for because at some point it's like I'm the only one trying. But we both have misunderstandings. And I get that. Then I realized, I guess you were important in my life, cause honestly no matter how much shit you do that hurt me, I'm the weird friend who'd still be here if you need a talk. I have my wrongs, but I don't even know. I'm surprised I could tolerate someone like you (no offence, but you yourself should get what I mean), but I never regretted meeting you. Which is weird, cause sometimes your attitude sucks like hell I wish I could slap you(you know yourself I often have this feeling too) but I won't deny you're one of the love-hate friendships I've ever had. Argue 55% of the time, 45% love. HAHA. Oh and you're also sometimes the reason why my confidence is low, cause damn girl, you like to be straightforward with me and judge me man. And you told me yourself that you know your words hurt me. So... I'm quite confused with your comments. I miss our memories babe. The swimming, the rockery. It's great to have you back. When you're out of that 'phase' you were in like for the first half of the year. Because now you're back to being yourself, and not the cold one that seriously shut me out like it didn't hurt at all. So yeah, it's great that now we're talking to each other like how we used to before. We've been through so much, and y'know I'd still have your back though I'm not exactly there O.O Okay. Maybe my next few posts will be about other friends. Not really sure. OKAY BUH-BYE.
20:26
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Its been quite a while since I made a blog post... :) But no one's really keeping track. Anyways, I am currently in Canada with my family, might be staying here to further my studies, might not. Okay, I'll make this post important(to me at least). They say healing takes time, but why is it that to me, it just hurts more as time goes by. It's like you're telling yourself that you gotta let go, but you're thinking "no, y'know, hope's around the corner and I wanna see what happens". But if that's the case, then that corner is extremely far off. Life isn't a book, it never was. I can't skip to the ending, I just gotta play it out and hope the last chapter ends well. Love is beautiful, but I don't understand why something beautiful could be so cruel and hurtful? Honestly, I want to be in Singapore at the moment, and just hug my friends who are dealing with shit. I just want the few to know I'm still here, and that hey, I have to face shit too. Sometime's time won't heal. It's just the memories that keep you from moving on, but your fake smile is the biggest lie ever. I've met my problems, and they're not solvable.. I'm a coward heheh. I say shit but I don't tell you how I feel so.. That makes me a coward. But I will say I'm actually pretty strong for putting up with my own cries and everything for the longest ass time when I should be happy. Actually, I just wanna punch you in the face. Anyways, enough here. I don't even know what post this is.
19:57
