淑婷❤

Friday, 5 August 2011.

Happy supposedly '5th month'....
Sorry for the times when you looked for me to cheer me up, or came to talk with me, I just looked away without turning back. Its because I couldnt face you. But the truth is, when I see you, my heart beats so fast, and I didnt wanna let you see the sadness in my eye. After all these troubles, my tears happen to fall down... And today, is such a special day, but no one to spend it with. But Ive always wondered if youd come to me out of nowhere and hold my hands,wipe my tears and tell me not to cry. But you never came, and that made me lose hope, that there may never be an 'us' again.......
I remembered our first date together, you fed me sushi @ Westmall. It was so embarrassing but I never failed to smile. We went to walk to the cinemas, where we watched Gnomeo and Juliet, and you held my hands. I felt like crying cause I couldnt find the ticket for the movie, It could be one of my memories of you.
Everyday, you text me late at night, soon, there'd be no text from you at all. Cause I know you needa move on, and you dont need me anymore. Youre trying to forget me... I told myself, I wont forget you, my love for you wouldnt fade away. Ill keep those memories in my heart, even though I should throw them into one corner cause thats the only way I could let go. But no way, if I say I love you, means I love you. Although youre not by my side anymore, somehow, somewhere out there, youd be looking at me.
I wanna forget my tears that I shed every once or twice everyday, cause I know its pain for my friends to see that they cant cheer me up but just watch me cry. I wanted to do so many things with you but didnt get the chance to, so much to do, but so little time...
Ive done one of the anniversary present already. And I hope youd like it.Even if you dont, at least keep it to remember me by. All those 4months, dont throw them away. Thanks for reminding me how to love again.
I know, that if I said I wanted you back, youd be hurt even more. So all I can say is, thanks for the milk tea you bought for me today. And, dont text me cause I want you to, text me cause YOU want to. Sigh, it hurts me so much, and I cant even bear to tell you that. Im such a failure.....
Sorry for all those times Ive disappointed you, but at least I wouldnt have to do it again.
Oh gosh, Iloveyou......

06:42

Tuesday, 2 August 2011.

youre the first to ever hold my hands, youre the first to ever hug me, youre the first to ever feed me. After what you said to me, I realised, when you sent me home, bought me bubble tea and held my hands the other day, it might be the last time youre doing it. It pains me, because youre someone who I never stopped loving, and I never plan to. Please, I would do anything for you to love me again like you once did. Because true love doesnt have an ending. I know we dont go out often, maybe only once or twice, but I know those days when we do get to see each other, many things would happen. You'd do so many things just to put a smile on my face. I loved how when Im down, youd come up to me, asking whats the matter. But now ? I doubt you would ever do it again. Maybe as time goes by, we would move on.. But for now, I cant help but cry a few more times. I cried in the morning, I cried before I slept, I cried in class, I cried in assembly, I cried in Home Econs class, and I cried during recess, and I cried when I reached home. All these happened in one damn day. Im tired of these fallen tears, these fake smiles. I should just cry all I want now, cause I know, tomorrow will be a better day. But it seems its too hard to let go. I mean, this is the first time I had to go through these kinds of things. One thing popped into my head: Would I still get goodmorning/goodnight texts ? Would I ever get to hear/see you say/type 'I love you' again ? Would I even get to hear your voice again ? This was so unexpected. As ManJia said, "cry all you want now, but when the clock hits 12, forget all about it, because the more you think about it, the more its harder to let go, and itll just make you sadder. I dont have to forget him, but at least keep him in that little corner in your heart." And like Erica said, "whats over, is over. Just tell yourself that." I know theyre saying these things just to cheer me up, but its so hurting that I actually have to try and do it... I love you, and I always had. I kept looking at those things that you gave me, such as, the vouchers you gave, the pencil holder you made for me during D&T and the stickys that wrote 'I Love You' in it. I just kept crying and crying. I havent given you anything much. I remembered when I wanted bubble tea, you just went on your way opposite school for my Milk Tea(without pearls). I remembered you saying 'I love you' to me thru phone, and pretending I didnt her it so that you could repeat it times and again.... People including sec1s saw me cry and I just felt like one idiot. When I walked by your class, I told myself, nothing's wrong. But when I knew we were gonna walk by your class soon, my heart beat so fast. I tried not to look at you during assembly. I tried to forget everything. But if one small little thing reminds me of you, I think Id break down. All the times you sent me home, I felt like Im over the moon. All the times you texted me, I screamed a little. All the times you held my hands, I felt safe. I finally knew that someone would actually be beside me all the way, to walk with me down the end of the road, without turning back. I can tell you, I never lived in regrets. In fact, I was happy. So stop saying all your sorrys. i couldnt face you anymore. But I cant bear not seeing your face for day. although friends had cheered me up, I still felt like somethings missing. Youre my missing puzzle piece, couldnt you complete me ? I know you wanna me to cheer up and such. Ill be cheerful, Ill be happy, Ill be ok, Ill be worried... Well, I dunno if your feelings had faded, but I know, that Id still be waiting for your texts(although they may never come) and Id still be daydreaming bout you endlessly.. my life is just another empty shell.. I L O V E Y O U♥

06:37

Ha, a post after days/months. Sigh, common tests are coming up, and Ive yet to study anything as usual..... Crap. Teachers nagging so much... Sigh, ends post with a smiley. :)

05:21